August, 2003 What a Pair “I was always the first,” she said during a recent interview in her office. But ask Rachid about her biggest source of pride, and she’ll pass along her favorite name without an ounce of hesitation: Frank Cowles Jr., her “beloved husband.” “A woman in this position needs to be proud of the man that is with her,” she said. “Sometimes when he asks me why I married him, I always tell him it is because I love you, and the reason I love you is because I admire you so much. He has done so many things—so many good things—that it’s fascinating.” Rachid met her American husband in an airport in Asunción shortly after he purchased a plot of jungle on which to develop a second ranch (he maintains a historic mini-mansion and cattle ranch on 755 acres near Charlottesville, Va.). Frank called the then-vice minister several times for government assistance, and two years later he was flying back and forth to Argentina to “romance” his bride to be. On the surface, the two are as different as night and day. Frank is American, born and bred in the Virginia countryside. Leila is Paraguayan. He’s 74. She’s 48. She’s spent a lifetime working in the Foreign Service. His career as an entrepreneur has involved everything from the military and law to horse breeding and aircraft sales. Leila’s attire is polished and sophisticated. Frank is at ease in cowboy boots and a plaid shirt. Yet it is obvious from watching them that the two have nothing but admiration for each other. “What’s funny is that we’re from such different backgrounds and have such diverse interests, and yet we’ve found common grounds,” said Cowles. “It’s been really interesting bringing two worlds together.” Such is the personal side of life for ambassadorial couples. Each duo has their own tale and their own method for working together. When asked about married life in the midst of such high-profile and demanding positions, however, the answers are strikingly similar. “I think it’s enormously important to work together, first of all because each person has their own competitive edges and comparative advantages, and we believe—for others to judge—that we fit well together,” Dutch Ambassador Boudewijn J. van Eenennaam said of his wife, Jellie. “What she does well, I am maybe not as good at. That’s a formula that works.” Jellie, a stunningly attractive blond, was a career diplomat when she met her husband during a reception in New York. Like the Cowles, the couple “lived in two different worlds.” Boudewijn was traveling regularly as director general of political affairs for the Ministry of Foreign Affairs at The Hague when Jellie was sent to a diplomatic post in the Netherlands. Jellie said that coming across her now-husband back in 1999 was meant to be, especially because she had to be coerced by a friend to make the long commute from her New Jersey apartment to the reception where they first met. Nearly four years later, she finds herself in a diplomatic role of a much different nature, one that has so far involved arranging a cultural fashion show, helping put together PowerPoint presentations, and hosting her country’s crown prince and princess. Jellie and her husband composed their own mission statement to guide their work at the embassy, and they have a daily habit of coordinating schedules and determining which events to attend and host. “I’m not surprised that the spouses are not working,” said Robin Pascoe, author of “A Moveable Marriage: Relocate Your Relationship Without Breaking It.” “[Working with a diplomat’s spouse] is a full-time job.” Meaning, of course, that many foreign ambassadorial spouses put in long hours to help promote their home countries’ cultural and political standing, even though they do not have work visas and are not on the payroll. Pascoe would know, too. The Canadian “expat expert” put her own career on hold to join her diplomat spouse throughout the 20 years he spent at overseas posts. Her Web site, www.expatexpert.com, serves as a forum for diplomatic and expatriate corporate spouses located around the world. Pascoe described her position as a privilege but added that the sacrifices and challenges of following a partner’s career are often overlooked or ignored by others. “The couples themselves have challenges, because marriage is not easy anywhere in the world,” she said. “So why would it be any easier when it’s moved around the world? And especially in Washington, the pressure to do well will definitely be magnified.” Her sentiments were resounded during an interview with one of the region’s youngest ambassadorial couples. Carmen Ducaru, a polite, intelligent 29-year-old with degrees in economic studies and international relations, told The Washington Diplomat that she is not a part of the Foreign Service. Her husband, Romanian Ambassador Sorin Dumitru Ducaru, was quick to correct her: “You are a part, just not formally” Aside from car trips to events in New York and elsewhere—the couple prefers to drive because it gives them more time to talk—the last time they were able to allot more than a weekend of vacation time for hiking and skiing was during Dumitru’s two-month sabbatical in late 1997. Family friends had just introduced the couple. “People associate this job with a cup of champagne and black ties,” the ambassador said. “That’s only part of it.” “It’s just 1 percent, probably,” added his wife. “The rest is work. It’s hard work. But if you know how to make it fun, it can be done nicely,” she said. Most days, it’s late-night desk work for Dumitru and a range of activities for Carmen. The two have been working alongside one another since a friend at the Romanian Embassy married them in 2001. Their marriage followed a three-year courtship over the hundreds of miles that separate Bucharest and New York, where Dumitru was posted as his country’s ambassador to the United Nations before coming to Washington. Carmen now joins her husband frequently during his trips to Romania’s consulates and expatriate communities throughout the country. But for all the work and sacrifices involved, the couples interviewed for this article said they’d have it no other way. Each recalled with enthusiasm and clarity how they met and the contentment they have found together. “One of the biggest credits you can have is the trust of your partner,” Dumitru said of his relations with other professionals and families in Washington and elsewhere. “Interaction with family makes for deeper connections…. It comes back to trust. People respond better when it’s something personal and something meaningful.” Heather Nalbone is a contributing writer for The Washington Diplomat.
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